Some weeks ago a friend was watching retro music videos and I just happened to have to suffer through it. To make it worse she started playing videos ft. Timbaland, whom I know only as the musical douche bag who likes to sample more tracks than people at a grocery store sampling booth. What I didn’t know is how shitty of a performer he is in music videos and a worse singer. So for this week, I devote towards my eternal dislike to ft. Timbaland, a man not cool enough to do enough of his own stuff.
Nelly Furtado – Promiscuous ft. Timbaland
This is an example of a bad video, what never to do for a music video. First off, the need to do the whole rainbow/ mono-chromatic thing, not needed in the least. I mean it can be well done, but the director didn’t know how to roll with it nicely. What compounds this fact more is that someone thought it would be nice to fast cut to the beat, the 2/4 beat meaning you get to see a scene for about a max of three seconds before onto the next seizure rainbow colour. Thanks. And to give this a little more street / hip-hop creed we gotta have JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE do something dumb. Also that’s both the shittiest club, and some of the worst music video chemistry you’ll see in a video.
The Pussycat Dolls – Wait A Minute ft. Timbaland
Must be something about Timbaland that causes these videos to be more jumpy and less focused than kids with ADD/ADHD who snort pixie sticks. Again it’s hard to know what’s going on because every few minutes the scene is jumping to something else. Is he being followed, is he following someone. Most importantly is this a music video for a song or a song promoting a shitty Samsung mp3 player? (Shit that’s cool doesn’t need promo like this) Such a hard video to follow due again to all the fast cuts. How anyone watched this without puking is beyond me.
Keri Hilson – Return The Favor ft. Timbaland
Did you see what they did there? Instead of pulling the 3 second fast cuts they now do the zoom and pan over and over again. And as a bonus they’re now using the pixelation feature. Good to see that video creativity and direction are moving on, although it’s in the wrong direction. I’m beginning to suspect ft. Timbaland has a hand to play in this bullshit, and his damn trademark popping eyes is shoved in here again. All and all typical pop bullshit crap that creates nothing more than an irritating and forgettable music video.
Flo Rida – Elevator ft. Timbaland
How do you know Timbaland is ft. or appearing in your music video? You have almost as many fast cuts as Requiem for a Dream. Yeah yet another ADD music video with out boy ft. Timbaland. And yet again like all these music videos I’m fucking confused about what I’m supposed to be seeing. This one out of them all sort of makes sense since Flo’s in an elevator singing about an elevator, but that’s not the best song. There’s also way too much shaking going on in the video to. I miss old music videos already. Ft. Timbaland, you ruin everything.
Except Acidjazzed Evening. (as much as you try)