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Posts Tagged ‘Fail’

I had started writing a rant about the Web Blackout vs SOPA / PIPA bills, but thinking things over the bills are going to fail but not as a result of Blacking out the web. I think the entire idea stands as a ‘this is how shitty things can get’ but as usual it won’t get that shitty because there’s one person at the top paying attention. And it’s not because people were moderately inconvenienced today.

Anyways if you want some lulz from this I highly suggest checking out @herpderpedia and read all the fail that has resulted.

P.S. I’ll probably re-organize my thoughts and write them up for some more shits and giggles when the full fallout from today happens.

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So if you’re not into the news and trendy protests happening, some exasperated people took to the streets of New York, but not in the Gangs of New York style, and decided that the best way to show everyone they mean business was to Occupy Wall Street. Apparently it turns out 2011 is the golden year for Protesting things and you can probably trace it back a bit more to last years G20 Protest / Riot / Insanity, which just happened to take place in Toronto.

None the less the Western World feeling left out because the Arab Spring actually got things done and western hipsters hate to feel left out of the party they didn’t really want to attend have taken it upon themselves to spread the love and mace of Occupy Wall Street to Occupy Toronto this up coming October 15th. Well those hippies can go get bent and best get the hell out of my back yard.

You’d think that because I’m the ‘Disgruntled Urban Artist Guy’ I’d be first in line of those protests, but I am not. You couldn’t be more wrong or farther from the truth of things. Why? Let me produce exhibit A, B and C:

Thanks, the Peace sign totally justifies the fact you just committed a crime and ruined my visual space.

'What day is this happening again?' Idiot...

Ugh.

Awesome, thanks random asshole for defacing the park I enjoy walking through. Seriously, the park is notorious for booze drinking bums, homeless bench sleepers, hippies, hipsters and insane shit, but this is the first time in two plus years I can recount any form of graffiti with malicious intent. All this does something far worse for the movement.

This crap has been in the park for a couple of days, but the one in the first photo has been up since the occupation plans were announced. About a day later, someone taped a letter below it expressing how pissed she was about the damage done to the park she loves and refuses to participate in the protest. It’s a shame someone took it down.

The point being is that if you are seriously planning to participate, you have to understand you’re participating along side the asshole(s) who did this handy work; that you’re part of a group that has people who just are interesting in continuing to cause trouble. I understand it’s extremely hard to keep people focused on a message and weed out anyone who intends to use the event selfishly, but it clearly has happened before the event got rolling.

“Don’t let one bad apple ruin the barrel”. Really? How do you know there’s just one bad apple? What if they’re all shitty apples? Clearly the quality control is not what it should be and from others perspectives everything is already not worth it. Oh you’re partnered with AnonOps? The very same assholes who thought it was fun to bring down PSN for a month and precipitate the hacking of a significant number of credit cards. That AnonOps? Oh right it was another group of hackers, or so you say, but since you’re all Anon, you can’t really prove that at all. Good luck being Anon when the nice law enforcer on the seven-foot horse rolls up and starts laying down his baton up on you.

This all said however, I will be near incident site 0 with camera in hand to basically report for OhInternet because there’s lulz to be had. If you’re concerned about my safety, be assured I usually don’t have ID, my uncle is a cop and I plan to sport a bullet proof helmet and some bitching shades. I’ll be fine and I’m doing it for the lulz.

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I really, really dislike the 80s for so many reasons. In fact there are so many reasons it’s holding up another blog posting because there’s so much to just hate about the 80s. Thankfully I wan born so late in the 80s all I remember is the left over crap they had in the early 90s, but that’s difficult for people to understand. Irregardless just because I seem to have avoided a big chunk of 80s music today so I resurrect some 80s horror.

A Flock of Seagulls – I Ran (So Far Away)

My oh my, they still play the song, but I’m sure you’re never going to see the video that often. A Flock of Seagulls has severely left a mark on modern pop culture that even 30 years later kids are still jamming to this at the disco, and wearing that fashion too. Poor souls. I realistically can’t even title this a classic due to the cheap value of it all (count the cameras as they spin, the crappy actors hired, the total lack of enthusiasm from the group). I am a sad panda, and now every time I’m dancing and hear this, I will be just that little more depressed while dancing.

Dead or Alive – You Spin Me Round

So it turns out there’s not just like one version of this video, there’s like several of different lengths and even a 2003 remake(YOU ARE WARNED ABOUT THIS ONE). I mean thankfully they’re not trying to play instruments and doing something fun, but ol’ Pete there needs to get a damn haircut and stop stealing the limelight. I think there’s a good chunk of Thai influence on this video and that would probably explain a lot of what happened to Pete Burns in the years to come.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Relax (Don’t Do It)

Thanks greatly for the thinly veiled abstinence message there Frankie. However, I don’t trust laser men in sunglasses and white gloves such as yourself trying to do some Rick Rolling moves. Point to note: he’s wearing some RAY BANS! I guess you could cite them as being pre-historic millennial hipsters. In all honesty however, the lazer thing is a bit cool. While it is common place in our modern lazer discohalls, this sort of thing was rare and awesome and they had a lot of fun with it in the video.

Pet Shop Boys – West End Girls

Oh you sly 80s broody music video, with your fancy electronic graphic effects and severely depressed lead singers. Yeah I imagine that those West End Girls are tough and mean, but since you feature none of them in your broody walk in broody glum London East side, I don’t have much to go on. But what do I fully know. Perhaps that West End Girl smashed your East Side Boy’s heart into little pieces. Chump. Next time stay central. Fun Fact: This video lost MTVs Best New Artist to the less broody a-ha’s Take on Me.

Bronksi Beat – Smalltown Boy

Every so often I do step in to the somewhat archaic past (ie the 80s) and after some poking around find things that are highly relevant to the major topics of today (nearly 30 years later). It acts as a small reminder that however much everyone wants things to change, that change is sadly slow acting and we all need to step up our game to get shit done. Really, this video and song speaks as loudly now today as it did back in 1984.

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Durr

Some weeks ago a friend was watching retro music videos and I just happened to have to suffer through it. To make it worse she started playing videos ft. Timbaland, whom I know only as the musical douche bag who likes to sample more tracks than people at a grocery store sampling booth. What I didn’t know is how shitty of a performer he is in music videos and a worse singer. So for this week, I devote towards my eternal dislike to ft. Timbaland, a man not cool enough to do enough of his own stuff.

Nelly Furtado – Promiscuous ft. Timbaland

This is an example of a bad video, what never to do for a music video. First off, the need to do the whole rainbow/ mono-chromatic thing, not needed in the least. I mean it can be well done, but the director didn’t know how to roll with it nicely. What compounds this fact more is that someone thought it would be nice to fast cut to the beat, the 2/4 beat meaning you get to see a scene for about a max of three seconds before onto the next seizure rainbow colour. Thanks. And to give this a little more street / hip-hop creed we gotta have JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE do something dumb. Also that’s both the shittiest club, and some of the worst music video chemistry you’ll see in a video.

The Pussycat Dolls – Wait A Minute ft. Timbaland

Must be something about Timbaland that causes these videos to be more jumpy and less focused than kids with ADD/ADHD who snort pixie sticks. Again it’s hard to know what’s going on because every few minutes the scene is jumping to something else. Is he being followed, is he following someone. Most importantly is this a music video for a song or a song promoting a shitty Samsung mp3 player? (Shit that’s cool doesn’t need promo like this) Such a hard video to follow due again to all the fast cuts. How anyone watched this without puking is beyond me.

Keri Hilson – Return The Favor ft. Timbaland

Did you see what they did there? Instead of pulling the 3 second fast cuts they now do the zoom and pan over and over again. And as a bonus they’re now using the pixelation feature. Good to see that video creativity and direction are moving on, although it’s in the wrong direction. I’m beginning to suspect ft. Timbaland has a hand to play in this bullshit, and his damn trademark popping eyes is shoved in here again. All and all typical pop bullshit crap that creates nothing more than an irritating and forgettable music video.

Flo Rida – Elevator ft. Timbaland

How do you know Timbaland is ft. or appearing in your music video? You have almost as many fast cuts as Requiem for a Dream. Yeah yet another ADD music video with out boy ft. Timbaland. And yet again like all these music videos I’m fucking confused about what I’m supposed to be seeing. This one out of them all sort of makes sense since Flo’s in an elevator singing about an elevator, but that’s not the best song. There’s also way too much shaking going on in the video to. I miss old music videos already. Ft. Timbaland, you ruin everything.

Except Acidjazzed Evening. (as much as you try)

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This makes them look like lovers, not fighters.

Let it be known that I absolutely abhor the UFC and all it’s thinly veiled bullshit. No one’s probably going to like me for pointing this out, but UFC is very much a heavily admired homo-erotic sporting event and no amount of denial is ever, ever going to change that. I do not have a problem with things that are of the gay persuasion or highly effeminate, it is not something I seek out, but with UFC there’s very much this active denial / glossing over by the fan base about the gay over tones the ‘sport’.

Oh but you’re probably thinking up a hundred and one things to counter my argument. Let us first however break down what exactly UFC is as a sport: Two men who are heavily trained in the art of kicking other people’s asses are put into a fighting ring. Typically the stronger of the two gentlemen in the caged ring who is able to dominate the other wins the match. This is very much along similar lines such as wrestling (the non-WWF/NWO/WWE or WWWhatever) and boxing. The only difference being there’s less holding back and a lot more blood. Totally manly then right? Not so fast there…

Doesn't look too unfamiliar does it?

You’re probably thinking that UFC is legit because I compared it to wrestling, but people don’t quite remember that wrestling was a sport invented by the Greeks in the classical period and was a lot different from wrestling of today. Classical wrestling is done by two dudes who are naked and covered in oil, then they get to fight. People were a lot more open with their sexuality in these times as well, so this wasn’t such an odd thing. And well boxing is more a sport of endurance of who can take the most blows to the face / body for the longest amount of time.

I feel the most truthful depiction of the UFC / cage fighting was done in the end of the movie Bruno. Yeah Burno wasn’t a good film but it did realistically show UFC for what it was rather than what the fans think it is. Aside from that as a non-fan of UFC here’s what I see when a match goes down: Two dudes in shorts end up hugging and rolling around on the ground for about 2 and a half minutes often punching each other or flipping around while I get various different angled shots of the logos plastered all over their shorts, the biggest being on their asses and crotches. Awesome. Typically one dude gets really bloody and or someone taps out and then shit is done, they hug and the next pair get into the confined area and proves who is the best humper.

I find this sport highly regressive as it plays on the dumb intellect that we all carry around. After thousands of years of wars and countless years of hunting and killing animals, I guess by now we are a species who often does not feel complete or happy unless some blood has been spilt at some point in the month. No matter how smart and civilized we want ourselves to be we cannot go without violence and the real violence that is provided by UFC seems to fulfill that urge we have in the back of our minds. Some of the smartest people I know are super obsessed with UFC to a level which really makes me doubt their intellect. Hell I have a hard time fully believing how some people can love the sport, but I guess if they had women fighting each other nearly naked in a ring, then I would be interested in that too.

This is how you fight.

Sadly I’ve never heard any gent who’s interested in UFC ever say they admired the skill of this fighter or that fighter. I fear that they do have that bullshit term man-crush by the way they talk about so and so in their fantasy matches between this dude and that dude. It’s something that causes me to pause and wonder what subconscious things really go on in the back of our minds.

Fuck yeah!

As a suggested replacement, I say we go back to the old blood sport of Gladiatorial battles. We could use prisoners on death row and stuff. It would be a social win-win; less prisoners and entertainment. And really I can’t see people bitching about how cruel it is over UFC. Unless there’s a lot of gay activists in favour of keeping UFC around.

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The future... it is green.

Nothing too special this week, just found some old videos I love and discovered some new ones that should have been great but just fall flat.

 

 

 

 

 

Ken Ishii – Extra

WARNING SORT OF NSFW. QUITE GRAPHIC. As I had made mention in my article about Sputnik 7 this is one of the videos that caught my attention to both Ken Ishii and the site Sputnik 7. It was super cool at the time because that was probably in the midst the golden era of my Anime days and this is as pure Japaninamation as you get. Japanese Techno DJ, high-profile animation director, absolutely crazy imagined world? Gold for a kid of like 14 and the crazy graphic nature just made it all better. It’s still a quirky video, but the imagination put into it is great.

Beastie Boys – Make Some Noise

Now as much as I do like the Beastie Boys and their past music videos (see Sabotage, Body Moving, Intergalactic), I just don’t see how this is a justifiably good music video. Like the concept is solid and there, however it’s got this poor execution of seeming to put as many A-list actors and 80s references as possible into this music video. It would have better nostalgia value if it was actually filmed in the old ways with film and didn’t have this obvious crisp and clean edge to it. As much as this seems to go back to their old video roots, it has actually managed to do the complete opposite and leaves me with a bad taste. I have yet to see the 45 minute mini-movie, and perhaps it will put it into perspective, but as a stand alone, this doesn’t even come close to what they did with Aphex Twin’s Window Licker.

Bruno Mars – Grenade

Some nice lady showed me this sort of against my will and I strongly disapprove of both the video and Bruno Mars. Part of the problem I have with music videos  done in the past two years for the most part is that they’ve become a little too clean in their formulas. This video has two very weak things happening: Bruno in a fancy dress lugging a Piano, and Bruno hipster in his room while it’s raining. Now he’s being harassed while dragging his Piano without any real good reason and I’m left wondering why he’s bitching while in his room as a different dude. Even worse the song is kinda sappy and doesn’t fit well with the weak story. As far as I can tell he was needlessly dragging that Piano while singing about some chick we don’t know about. I’m sure if I was in a more dumb mindset it would make sense and be beautiful, but really, nothing is strongly explained and Bruno is just some closet emo hipster.

Ludacrus – Rollout (My Business)

Ludacris is an awesome dude. This is a man who enjoys everything he does. Be it his rapping, doing a video, or acting; he pours himself into whatever he’s doing and has a ball with it (which is why the Team Teamwork Remix is a fun song). The director clearly understood this and made that obvious with the scenes where his head is comically enlarged and Luda is just rollin’ with it having his good times. As a youtube user put it:

I believe the message here is that the narrator is informing the audience of his riches and females that he has acquired whilst partaking in a ride that sits upon 20 inch aftermarket rims…As he enjoys the company of his fellowship who are all in possession of glocks of the .40 caliber.He then recites the inquirres from the disreputable community that have grown hatred towards his blessed fortune. He ends with a proclamation targeted at those with bias to withdrawal from his affairs.

And what more could you want?

Daft Punk – One More Time

Been awhile since I last saw this video and the others. It’s the first in the Interstella 5555 movie that was done for the entire Daft Punk Discovery album and the song is still played in clubs a decade later. Toei Animation, the studio that headed the movies,  is quite famous for a lot of other works such as; Voltron, Dragon Ball /Z/GT, Galaxy Express and anything else Leiji Matsumoto has been able to conjure up in the last 73 years of his life. The full movie is something very much worth watching if you’re a fan of Daft Punk. This was the precursor to their work on Tron: Legacy and in my opinion they did a better job with Interstella 5555 than Tron.

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Up Yours Apple

The only ever good Mac or Apple product I’ve seen is one that’s dead and dysfunctional.

‘OH here it comes, another Mac hater who just wants to go off and hate on the super successful Apple’
– Some Apple loving douche

Now who’s being the biased one. I don’t hate Mac / Apple because it’s ‘the popular’ thing to do, I hate on because I have to use the damn machines for work and they are some of the worst computers I’ve ever had to use. They’re a step below those pre-built computers from HP or Toshiba, designed to work at the bare minimum of functionality all while appearing to be THE FUTURE.

There are many problems you end up running into while using an Apple product for productivity because, well, they’re not designed to be productive but rather designed with style. This is more or less the same problem I’ve come to experience with Skullcandy. So enough of this jibber-jabber, time to outline reasons why you’re better off saving your money and considering some other piece of technology that isn’t fruity.

  • OS X is a failure of an OS. It’s an old operating system that gets an update approximately every 18 months akin to getting Botox injections or Colligan fills. Makes it look all nice, but it underneath it all it’s just garbage. There are many problems I end up running into while doing work for projects that I would have less of a problem facing on Windows.For instance, OS X is still in capable of the ‘cut (not copy) and paste’ option for files. This is irritating when you have to move several or more files on the fly because you are forced to have two finder windows opened instead of a single explorer window on a PC and to boot, you have no short cut key. Am I nit-picking? Like fuck I am. If you’re using a Mac, go ahead and move files on the spur of the moment. Oh and finder can’t keep shit organized unless you’re on listed details.Another big issue I run into with is the damn dock. Another core piece of the OS that’s garbage. It’s never been helpful in the process of program navigation as your shit can get lost very quickly either because it’s all been minimized or it’s under a large stack of other windows above it. Typically in windows I alt+tab navigate to a program / window and it pops up for me, even if on the taskbar. OS X just goes to the program and if your window was minimized, then you have to go to the dock to open it up. It’s an irritation they’ve never bothered to fix. They need to make a keyboard key to bring up the dock. I know there is one that clears all windows to the side to get to the desktop, but one that just raises the dock up would be so much better and faster to get around working.
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  • Design > Function. This is a modern-day blight on most technology today. Somehow a memo was passed around to all technology companies and designers that if your future tech doesn’t look sleek and thin, then it’s not worth putting out. For some insane reason, Apple’s new iMacs ship with wireless keyboards that do away with the number pad and makes for a small compact keyboard.HOWEVER, people with work to do need that fucking keypad. It’s a critical component in most design work since a good section of personal shortcut keys are devoted to the number pad. Also it’s far easier to use when you have to do something silly like putting in numbers or getting ASCII / UNICODE characters. Apparently Apple has completely ignored the design community’s typography needs, the people who did a lot to make them who they are.
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  • Problems? You’re on your own. Another large part of using a mac is trouble shooting the endless problems you get when trying to do anything outside of the scope of turning it on and use the internet. I run into a lot of problems without evident solutions primarily since I’m doing things that clearly a lot of people never expected a mac user to be doing and that’s troubling. The entire Mac for life and ‘it just works’ mentality means that very few people bother asking questions online when something goes wrong, and there are fewer answers to how to make things go right. I don’t have these problems using a PC. The issues are so common that either a solution is found via upgrading or someone has written about it at length. Mac users are so self-limiting that only a handful of Mac users exist in the world (which probably isn’t an exaggeration). Case in point: had to migrate an e-mail account from an old mac to a new one. Put in all the log-in information correctly blaw blaw blaw and in the end spent something like 6 hours to get it to work and the entire root of the problem was the new machine was using a wireless connection instead of a wired connection. No amount of searching the internet got me that solution. I was on my own as usual.
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  • iVersion 9000. I can’t bring myself to own an Apple product because I like my technology to have some form of value to it. Just because a product happens to be expensive does not mean it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. Apple products have almost a 0 value for me simply because every time you turn around, another better one is just around the corner. Apple is notorious for doing this and they manage to get away with it every god damn time. No matter how gimmicky they manage to make something, they always seem to be able to shove it in your face and rape your wallet.It’s worse when you actually know your technology and have a good idea of what’s floating around on the market to compare. The iPhone is still a piece of trash, with a more functional advertising department than anything else. The ‘keyboard’ is a joke, who the fuck video calls, and realistically the order of uses stands as this; games, texting, looking shit up on the internet. Not to mention you look like a retard with headphones in talking to yourself or holding the shit in front of your face while talking.Then we have the iPad. Total junk. More so now that the iPad 2 is launching soon. Hell, my ACER tablet PC from five years ago is comparable in capabilities than the iPad. It even came with a multicard reader for SD and the like, a keyboard, screen rotation… Yeah it was a bit thick and heavy, but it was still a laptop in the end as well as a slick tablet. It also was never outclassed by another tablet. Not even the iPad or iPad 2. Apple still has a lot of work to do to actually catch up to modern technology, exactly like the Wii.

Apple wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t turn themselves into a brand rather than a testament to technology and advances in modern computing. It’s taken them forever to incorporate simple and universal technologies (bluetooth, memory card slots, graphics cards) into their products to even begin to meet basic consumer needs. But in many, many ways they’ve always taken the approach of giving the finger to what everyone else is doing in stead of doing it their way, which somehow gains its own popularity and puts things into the wrong direction.

Companies are getting fed up with that shit and one of their biggest supporters (Adobe) has been more or less fucking Apple and their consumers over for the piss-poor choices they make. You can cheer all you want for the iPhone selling like 100 million phones or whatever (probably more like 60 million actual users), but when a fact like Nokia sells 100 million phones a year comes up, you come to realise Apple really has no game.

TL:DR – What it’s like to own an Apple Product by The Oatmeal

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