Art of Music Videos – MTV Video Awards

As much as I bash on MTV for not really doing their part in showing music videos as much as they want to show the Hills or some other teen drama bullshit, they still somehow manage to justify their continued existence by pretending to show a majority of music videos by handing out yearly awards in their yearly award show, the MTV Music Video Awards. This is a magical process where by supposedly people who watch MTV get to vote for nominees and someone wins. But since MTV barely shows videos, I don’t know how people even know what they’re voting for. Anyways, I’m going to show videos that won, and why I think it was bullshit or deserved.

Best Video with a Message – Lady Gaga ‘Born this way’

Is this even a legitimate category to hand out an award to? Anyways, that aside, the video is a bit meh. The intro had some interesting concepts and it has a good production value, but I quickly found myself trying to place what sci-fi movie  or era that this was ripped straight from. And worse yet, the main meat of the video hardly relates to intro. I guess there’s a message, but when you have a history like mine, it’s a bit lost.

Other nominees:

• Eminem (featuring Rihanna) — “Love the Way You Lie”
• Katy Perry — “Firework”
• Pink — “Fuckin’ Perfect”
• Rise Against — “Make It Stop (September’s Children)”
• Taylor Swift — “Mean”

Best Cinematography in a Video – Adele ‘Rolling in the Deep’

This video also won for Best Art Direction and Best Editing. It’s another mixed bag. Imagery and song don’t exactly mesh to make something together and flow. Instead it was opted for how much pretentious performance art can we stuff into 5 minutes. So yeah, 5 artists just got immortalized in an Adele music video for life, the only good art being shown was the room full of water glasses and the only good moment being when the drum bass started and they all vibrated. That was very cool. Looking beyond that, there’s really nothing else worth mentioning.

Other nominees:

• 30 Seconds to Mars — “Hurricane” (Directors of Photography: Benoît Debie, Jared Leto, Rob Witt and Daniel Carberry)
• Beyoncé — “Run the World (Girls)” (Director of Photography: Jeffrey Kimball)
• Eminem (featuring Rihanna) — “Love the Way You Lie” (Director of Photography: Christopher Probst)
• Katy Perry — “Teenage Dream” (Director of Photography: Paul Laufer)

Best Hip-Hop Video – Nicki Minaj ‘Super Bass’

Awesome…. I officially have some blood on my hands with this one. I’m going to stick with my previous comments.

Instead of showing it again, I’m going to pick one of the losers who should have won instead.

As much as I kind of hate Kanye West, but if you’re video can cause seizures and epilepsy in people, poorly steal a word video concept from Justice (DVNO), and have a good beat to your video, then you’re more Hip-Hop than Nicki Minaj. And in all honesty the opening section with the little girl walking the winter streets is the best part, although all the modern cars and the long length did detract from this. Also Hype Williams needs to tone his shit down in videos.

Other nominees:

• Chris Brown (featuring Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes) — “Look at Me Now”
• Lupe Fiasco — “The Show Goes On”
• Lil Wayne (featuring Cory Gunz) — “6 Foot 7 Foot”
• Kanye West (featuring Rihanna and Kid Cudi) — “All of the Lights”

Best New Artist – Tyler the Creator ‘Yonkers’

Have to give it props to Tyler, he’s found someone to match his creative lyrics and musical style for his music videos. For the first few seconds it seems like it’s some sort of filler spot for like BET or something, but it rolls with it and he pulls some odd shit which just happens to work. A bit dark, but over all this is going back to that late 90s style rap. Hopefully it doesn’t get too out of hand and he manages to push it rather than carry on with it.

Other nominees:

• Big Sean (featuring Chris Brown) — “My Last”
• Foster the People — “Pumped Up Kicks”
• Kreayshawn — “Gucci Gucci”
• Wiz Khalifa — “Black and Yellow”

Best Video of the Year – Katy Perry ‘Fireworks’

And with this, the art of making music videos dies just a little bit more.

Other nominees:

• Adele — “Rolling in the Deep”
• Beastie Boys — “Make Some Noise”
• Bruno Mars — “Grenade”
• Tyler, the Creator — “Yonkers”

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Lessons Learned from the Dance Floor

I really like to dance. But I really don’t like to dance alone. I much prefer to dance with a woman (or a group of women) who look pretty, dress nice and know how to move when the phat beats get dropped on the dance floor. I may normally hate Sean Paul, Diddy and Lady Gaga when I’m not dancing, but it become tolerant in a dance setting (+ alcohol).  Now I can’t say in the recent months I’ve had any lovely lady friends to go dancing with me, so I’ve had to go solo on these excursions. Also it had been a long while since I was dancing for the intent to impress ladies, I’m recently single again and trying to get back into the game.

To that end, I’ve been learning a lot of Do’s and Don’t and ‘That shit don’t make any fucking sense!’ of the dance floor and as an extension, society and the game in general. And I’d like to share what I feel is important to other guys who are also stuck in the game and not performing as well as they’d like. So here’s what I’ve learned in the past few months about going to the disco. Remember since this is my experience it probably differs from your experience and probably should not be taken as gospel.

1. Don’t Solo
   

   ‘Safety in Numbers’. I’m sure you’ve heard that before. Discos and Clubs are crazy and if you’re not prepared, you will be eaten alive on the dance floor. But this not in the way you’re thinking. By being eaten alive, your confidence and presence on the floor will slowly be nibbled away from you in the same way a pack of piranhas will eat pray that just happens to fall into the river.

   Single dancers are somewhat excluded from other dancers UNLESS you’re a woman. Then you’re free to go with any group and any sausage fest is going to want you around to prove how awesome they think they are.

   But if you are going to the Floor as a single dude, best thing I can advise you is go with low expectations and high confidence in your skills. There is the possibility that you can get taken into a dance circle, maybe full of hawt chix, and end the night well. But realistically a wingman is a better bet. 

2. Bring a Wingman
   

   Just like if you were a pilot flying over the European skies in World War II, when the ME-102s are swooping in to fuck your shit up, you want a wingman to watch your back. This goes with the safety in numbers as stated before, but there is a bit of an art to this. Going with like a dozen dudes can sort of send off the warning of a huge group of desperation or that tomfoolery is about.

   But if a huge group of DUDES NIGHT OUT is what you like to be in, then by all means take that shit to the dance floor. What I found was better was going with one or two wingmen and if other dude friends are there, join up with them. The reason for having Floor wingmen is to break up/break down the barriers that chixs form. Chix don’t like to be left alone so if a solo dude goes for her friend she’s going to want someone too or resist to not be alone.

   As a bonus, you give ladies options and a sort of point/counter-point between yourself. Women will judge you on the other people you are with and over-all how well you both can bust it on the dance floor. So choose your wingmen carefully and wisely.

3. Have a Drink in Hand and Smile on Your Face
   

   Going dancing is about having fun and a good time, you’re potentially there to meet nice people. Going there with a scowl on your face is going to give the impression you were dragged there. Even if the music is shitty and you can hardly dance to it, smile like you just won the lottery or something. And make sure women see you smile. They love that shit.

   As for having a drink in hand, well that’s to show you like to party. It may not be hard partying but you tell people, you enjoy drinking and killing your liver just like everyone else. I typically drink liquor and have a distate for beer unless it’s a cider, so I can’t really say how effective it is to have a beer bottle vs plastic cup, but the important thing to remember is to not spill whatever you’re drinking on someone as a that could kill any and all chances of people liking you. That is unless you happen to spill on the chix who’s into water sports and that kind of shit, then you best live up to that standard as best as you can.

4. Dance, no matter how bad you are at it
   

   Now I know for fact I’m not the most awesome dancer when I get onto the Floor, but I know I can cut a little rug if my blood alcohol level is at a good level and the beat/music is going well. In theory I should be super awesome since I’m mulatto, but it never seems to work out too well for the first half of the night, but does pick up later and I’m like some sort of superstar. They key however is to keep dancing when on the floor, even if you’re just on the sidelines looking for potential.Remember the scene in Jurassic Park when the T-Rex busts out of his enclosure and they make mention that it’s attracted to the movement? Well same rules apply on the Floor, except you’re not going to get eaten. Maybe.

   But still remember this: ‘If you walk without rhythm, you won’t attract the one.’  Realistically speaking from my experience, depending on where you are and the crowd, the chixs might be in to the flailing white guy rather than the smooth dancing black dude. It’s important to remember to use your entire body when dancing and dance to the music going on, never lose the beat. Even if you have to slow down, keep some part moving to that beat, else how do you expect to keep up with beat changes in other places and more exotic dances. (HINT, HINT)

   I think a reason for being passed over on the Floor could be the fact that the white dude’s shitty dancing makes the chix look better in comparison to the better dancers.  I experienced this a lot while at a resort discotheque and it was irritating as shit and mind-boggling. Hell, even the old white dudes were able to dance up ladies more than me. I’m not going to say it was any one thing as there were a lot of variables going on that entire week. It was a mess of bad dancing, repeated tunes and a sever lack of young single ladies.

5. Confidence
   

   So you’re on the Floor, or standing to the side watching what’s going down. You’re dancing with a drink in hand being mindful of who’s watching you and your  wing man is watching out for you too. Finally you notice some chix has been glancing at you several times in the last five minutes. What do you do?If you answered anything other than ‘Get on that Shit’ you answered wrong. Don’t wait, get on that shit. Because the Floor is full of any other dude who’s going to move in when you’re slacking, taking a nap, or trying to get another drink. Everyone who’s not a wingman on the Floor is a cockblocker, yes, even the dudes that are with their ladies.

   If you wait too long you risk the chances of looking stupid and uninterested in the ladies. And don’t make the noob mistake of just walking over, you’ve got to casually continue dancing over and dance with her. It’s also key to speak up and have something quaint to say instead of cliché, although some times that’s okay as well. But be confident in what you do and the ladies will pick up on that.

6. Be a Gentleman
   

   Not all Chix on the Floor are going to want you around and you have to respect that. It’s fine sometimes to be a cocky mother fucker on the dance floor, but if you’re getting resistance don’t be a douch bag and keep forcing yourself on ladies who don’t want your shit. You keep that up and all the chix will peg you as one of the creepy dance floor motherfuckers to avoid.

   It’s confusing at times, but you have to play it right more so when it comes to full contact dancing. It’s really best to wait until the chix in target makes the move first and then establish it’s what she wants. Don’t worry, she’s not concerned with your feelings at all at that point, just what she wants to get and what you are providing. This also means you have to be mindful about the groping, although typically you’ll get the message if she wants that level of action or not. But it’s not something you force on a lady. Be a Gentleman.

That’s really all the major lessons I’ve learned and depending on where I’ve gone, with various crowds, you’ll get a half-dozen results. It’s best to keep in mind that you have to be patience and understanding as everyone is out for something different. You would think that the equation of “Black Dude + Good dancing = lots of ladies dancing on his shit” is universal, but I’ve been cocked blocked by enough people of all levels of dance skill and ethnicities to know it’s not true. Just pick your place that you like and dance. And if nothings happening with you, just dance because you like it.

Also keep the following in mind

• Attention Whores: These are chix who dance for attention. They have no intentions with mens on that night, so forget them
• Douchbags: They’ll get all up in your biz because its nature to them. Make sure to shun them and keep them away.
• Don’t arrive early: Timing is tricky as you don’t want to be first, nor so late you’re last. Again, depends on where you go to dance.
• Watch booze levels: This is just to make sure you’re still dancing on the floor or sleeping on it, or away too frequently because you have to piss.
• Leave the Sloppy Chix: Sometimes, it’s just not worth it to deal with someone who’s going to pass out, forget or vomit all over the place
• Get numbers or email: Try and keep a method of contact with the ones you like. Giving your info runs the risk of not being contacted, but getting hers means she’s leaving it to you. The worst she can say is no and then you really haven’t lost anything.
• Dress nice: Seriously, who wants to dance with a bum? Don’t drop $300 on an outfit, just find some shit you don’t wear often and pull it together. Also smell nice too.

That’s all I really got to say about this. It’s really ever evolving like the game itself, and if I were to score myself,  know I’m on the losing side for now. But keep in mind this isn’t something done in a day, or a week, it takes as much time as you’re willing to put into it. And the real way to win is have fun, not get numbers or take ladies home, that’s just bonus.  So get out there, get noticed.

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